The Contestants |
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The Breakdown |
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Advantages
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Disadvantages
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Kills
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Kills
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How we think the fight will go
When Ged got the call for this fight, he was reluctant to participate (as well as bewildered by the strange device called “the telephone.”). He just didn’t think it was right for him to destroy what appeared to be a pale, preening, brooding teenager. In fact, he kind of just wanted to give him a hug and tell him “Things will get better after high school–I promise.”
“Considering what his own life was like after school (”You try tracking down and defeating an evil shadow that you had unleashed upon the world!”), he really didn’t see how this Edward Cullen character could possibly be a threat.
That was until he was attacked by a horde of vicious, angry fangirls.
“We won’t let you hurt Edward!” they screamed. “For Bella!”
“We do not wish to harm you. We simply need to take you into custody.”
Crying out random names rapid fire, Ged tried to subdue them:
“Caitlyn! Amber! Jessica! Allison! Courtney!” He figured at least some of those had to be their true names. And sure enough, they were halted by his great power. Parting the mob down the middle, he looked past them to see Edward, glaring at him with his smoldering eyes.
“Just leave me alone, old man,” Edward sneered. “You don’t know what you’re up against.”
“No–I’ve seen a 30 Seconds to Mars video–I have an idea.”
“I. AM. NOT. EMO!” Edward roared, running at Ged way faster than the wizard expected. Saying the Old Word for “shield,” he got his defenses up just in time to prevent the vampire from crushing his sternum.
“Okay…regroup,” Ged, also known as Sparrowhawk, thought.
But there was no time. Edward was upon him, punching so hard that it was all Ged could do to keep himself from being pummeled. He thought it was over–that all his training and power were for naught–when the normally overcast sky of Forks cleared up just enough for the sun to shine down.
And make Edward start to sparkle.
Ged started giggling. “Seriously?” he asked.
“Wh–” Edward asked, and then saw that his hands were all sparkly. “God damn it…”
It didn’t matter, though, because Ged had figured out Edward’s true name. Saying it aloud, Edward was banished from this world, causing the gaggle of girls to break free of their bonds and screechingly run after Ged, who realized he had to flee or be trampled under their hormonal onslaught.
As he ran away, the true name he spoke could still be heard on the wind.
“Nancy…”
Predicted Winner: Ged
Ged is a character from Ursula Le Guin’s A Wizard of Earthsea series; Edward Cullen is a character from Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight series
Ged image courtesy of Les Edwards and Spectra Books. Edward Cullen image courtesy of Summit Entertainment
If smoldering eyes could kill… but they can’t.
Edward Cullen never had a chance of beating anyone on this list. If he was a real vampire, maybe.
I’m honestly surprised that Edward isn’t getting more love, though. Since the result is based on fan voting, I had actually predicted him to come out on top of the whole tourney, but I guess the word hasn’t reached the readers of Twilight yet.
Or maybe it’s just because junior high school hasn’t let out for the day.
I feel it’s important to point out here that Ged is not the pasty Honk that he’s being portrayed as here, but is in fact a Proud Member of the Nubian Brotherhood. As such, Cullen doesn’t stand a chance.
Kill Whitey!
(note: the poster is, in fact, white.)
Yeah, what Freidreich said, sorta.
Any chance we could get a better picture? Like one that wouldn’t make the (notably vocal about whitewashing) Le Guin twitch?
I’m definitely not a twitard, but I voted for Edward. Here’s why:
Ged started giggling. “Seriously?” he asked.
“Wh—” Edward asked, and then saw that his hands were all sparkly. “God damn it…”
Edward can read minds and is super fast, so Edward never would have had to ask what he was thinking, he would already know, and in 2 seconds punched him in the chest cavity and ripped out his heart or something like that. I know many of you despise everything that Edward stands for, but I think fair is fair. Just saying.
Well, if you think about it Twilight attracts mostly young teen girls. In my experience that age group doesn’t branch out too much from Twilight, and Gossip Girl. If they did poor Ged may well be crushed by the sheer number of Edward fangirls.
Oye, I have only very recently escaped from the “young teen girl” demographic, and at twelve or thirteen I would have known perfectly well who most of these characters were and which of them could kick Edward Cullen’s sparkly ass.
…And the mind reading point is interesting, but I’m going to give Sparrowhawk the benefit of the doubt and say that as a powerful wizard he could shield himself from Edward’s powers. After all, even Bella as a human could top Edward’s mind reading, when her magic (or whatever it is) was still nascent.
But it’s obvious he doesn’t know who Edward Sparkleface is, so I don’t think he would know that Edward could read his mind. But regardless, all I’m saying is if you’re going to throw a character in the ring with another character, it’s a little unfair not to take his abilities into consideration just because the books weren’t that great and the obviously biased (c:) opinion of the people who are in charge of this here fight.
I won’t lie–I could only get through the first book, and I don’t remember him having mind-reading powers then. Mind-numbing, perhaps…
That said, I do think if Ged wasn’t as powerful a wizard as he was, Edward would be a more formidable foe–he’d probably beat most of the non-magic users in this bracket. He’s incredibly fast and strong, and can’t be killed by too many things.
@Freidreich–I’m going to see what I can do, but there actually aren’t too many pictures of Ged out there.
Well I haven’t read the A Wizard of Earthsea series. Is it good? I really don’t care who wins this match, I just normally root for the underdog and I figured I’d try working my awesome debate skills. ;o)
Edward Cullen lives in a world where people don’t hide their true names. Ged says, “Okay, before you kill me, can you at least tell me your name?” Edward answers. End of battle.
“Nancy…” That about nails it.
Not “Gary Stu”?
Ged wins no contest, Edward spends too much time being depressed about being assaulted with all sorts of magical nastiness.
Edward has no defense against magic. All Ged will need to do is subdue/immobilize him with one spell, and then he’ll have all the time he needs to find out his true name, or else just burn him to a cinder. The only way Edward could win is if he speed-rushed Ged before he could speak.
I’ll admit, I’m actually a little sad to see Edward go. Not because I’m fond of the sparkly twit, but because this little blurb is one of the most hilarious ones I’ve read in this cage match. I would have loved to read of the further adventures of Edward and his fangirl horde, even as part of my soul diied every time he advanced up in the ladder.
Ah, well, I’m sure there must be some advantages to having a mostly intact soul.
Why o why did edwarde get selected to represent the bloodsuckers. Lestat would have handed Ged his arse…
Edward is SUCH A SPARE.
And it’s true that Twigirls do not branch out. All the ones I know are poor readers in general, but tote their artsy-covered hardbacks with pride. “This is the work that got me reading,” they seem to say.
Reading what? New Moon? Fer crying out loud.
Ged would win. In a cage match (essentially a duel), you know your opponent’s name already. Unless “Edward Cullen” is a pseudonym, he’s screwed.
Edward Cullen actually isn’t his real name. He pretends to be adopted by Carlisle and Esme. Thus, his real name would be Edward Mason.
Also, Edward isn’t just fast; he’s faster than every other vampire. He could kill Ged before the wizard could blink. His inability to shield himself against magic is a pitfall. However, I think his ability to read minds would allow him to dodge any magic thrown his way.
So, essentially, if the match is quick: Edward. If it drags on: Ged.
Ed may be fast, sure, but in the series that didn’t mean he’d always win. The Cullens teamed up about 5-1 to even have a reasonable chance of winning any of thier “fights,” plus, mind-reading or no, if you know somebody’s gonna obliterate you, it dosen’t change the fact that they still are. Just saying
and edward would win in what world? i don’t even know who Ged is, but anyone is better than edward cullen, even a gary-stu… opps! that’s edward too.
As much as I hate to say it, Edward would win. Edward Cullen is not his true name, and Ged would have no power over him.
^You’re right, Edward’s true name is Nancy.
Not Edward Cullen, not Edward Mason, but Nancy.
Nancy!
Ged has no problem with true names, he is so skilled he can see them iirc (though it is a long time since i read the Earthsea books (and I really hated the last one)
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_lFkUNEsccl4/SpNt1MiwTbI/AAAAAAAABT4/KGciaRYuvSg/s1600-h/gedpaint.jpg
Here’s fan pic of Ged that I like. I admit, I’ve had a huge crush on Ged since I was 9.
That is a cool picture. Do you know who the artist is, though? Because we’d definitely use it, but would want to give it proper attribution.
Ged would had no trouble handling twilight fangirls, because he was a shepherd in his earlier life, and he knows how to handle sheep.
I believe Ryan Lang is the creator of that picture.
But does Ged have what it takes to stop the Shrike, assuming that Aragorn promises to support him to the best of his ability, as constrained by the brackets?
While I am with those that think that Karsa and Vin would have been great additions to this bunch, my hat is totally off to the suvudu.com people for coming up with this. It’s a totally fun idea, and I think it should be annual. I see at least three ways to interpret these contests, totally welcome additional comments:
1. Character vs. character in a combat situation, based on specific evidence that we can pull from actual instances in their books.
This is the most obvious, and perhaps best suited to the “cage match” idea. However, there are a number of corollary questions:
a. Is it a literal cage, such as in one of the Road Warrior sequels with Tina Turner presiding, or more metaphorical? I totally vote for the latter, as it allows much more room for developed characters to operate, and perhaps defeat those with immense or immediate power.
b. Do characters get to bring their sidekicks, and/or invoke their powers of summoning? This would make a huge difference in a number of cases.
c. To what degree do we get to consider the quality of writing (in our opinion)? To my mind, this is an entirely valid consideration, and a totally subjective question that makes the conversation more interesting.
d. To what degree are we allowed to concoct scenarios where characters subvert the brackets, either by teaming up against a future opponent, rearranging the bracket structure (given credible power to do so), or otherwise changing the rules of the game?
Thanks again for making this happen, looking forward to future rounds.
Thanks for commenting! Comments are now closed on this post, but you can follow this match’s winner in the next fight, open 3/15 at 10:30 EST!